Believe it or not, there is an art to dating. Let's see if we can unpack the dating dilemmas. Truth is, it's all about 'collecting data'. Historically speaking, dating is a relatively new concept. It was originally designed as a tool to assist the modern woman in evaluating a suitable marriage partner. In today's society, it seems that dating has become an alternative to marriage or the refusal to commit, resulting in long term "we just kicking it." In many cases, the guy may be waiting for a more suitable candidate and the woman's time has been wasted. Unfortunately, women usually bear the brunt of the emotional and psychological consequences from this type of dating arrangement. If this sounds familiar, maybe it's time to rethink your dating habits.
Each date should arm you with information about who this person is, what is important to him, his attitude about family, what he believes, and his plans for the future. After each conversation decide if he warrants approval to move to the next level (another date or conversation). Your decision to advance to the next level should be determined based on previously set standards and a review of red flags. If you notice any irrevocable signs, run away.
Early on, you must identify your deal-breakers and stick to them. By the third date, he should know and understand your position about family and your faith. Do not be afraid to be honest and voice your position on marriage and family. However, your actions should always be consistent with your words.
Sisters, you must understand that the introduction of sex tends to cloud the relationship. A man's initial connection is to the physical. But women connect first emotionally. In women, sex generally intensifies that emotional connection exponentially. For this reason women often have a more difficult time rebounding when things don't work out, while most men seem to walk away unscaved. For women, this experience multiplied by numerous sexual relationships equals bitterness, baggage, and male bashing.
For good reason, the Bible warns us against sex before marriage. Some might say this command is outdated. Wisdom never goes out of style and TRUTH is never outdated. Unfortunately, many families (men, women, and children) have experienced significant trauma because a society has decided that biblical principles are outdated. Maybe it's time to get back to Bible Basics.....
Challenge: Consider each conversation as an opportunity to collect data:
- Ask pertinent questions about family, social view point, future goals and spiritual life
- Listen to what is being said as well as what is not being said
- Evaluate behavior and responses based on biblical standards
- Note any red flags (pray about or refer to an advisor for further insight)
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